Thoughts on Feminism

I guess you could say I grew up with illusions of being a feminist. I believe that women should have equal pay. That women can be successful in supporting themselves, and that we should be proud to be women. I marched right along the feminist self righteous movement. This is a hard topic to explain my views. I think a lot of feminist blame to much on the church and conservatives. They want to assign thinking that is NOT going on.
The best example of this is clothing. Today I read an article about some feminist mother being outraged that a note was sent home from her sons school about their end of the year pool party. In the note girls were required to wear a colored tshirt cover up. She went crazy. It became about body shaming. It became about the worlds responsibility to teach their sons to "not look". It became well stupid. Look. I get it. There are plenty of little girl swimsuits out there that are age appropriate. They cover well and are very cute. Then there are some swimsuits out there that don't. Lets be honest here. Walk into any store selling swimsuits and you will see what I'm talking about. And parents buy these inappropriate suites for their girls and then say "the boys just shouldn't look". Ummmmm. WHAT?
A few things I want to point out here. 
1. This is not about body shaming. I grew up going to a summer camp that required tshirts be worn while swimming. And we did not have coed swimming.. This is not about teaching girls to be ashamed of their bodies. It's about teaching girls to respect their bodies and only share their private areas with their husbands. Not once in my life have I ever been ashamed or embarrassed about my body. Are their parts I'm not particularly fond of... well, yes. But it's not because some churchy told me to cover up. And honestly they are not the parts that I share with my husband.... 
2. Yes. Lets tell the boys not to look, and while we are at it tell the girls too. I hear more rude, crude, and frankly nasty sexist comments from women than I ever hear from men. Lets say that little Suzie didn't get the cutest most in fashion swimsuit this season. Trust me. It's not the 6th grade boys that notice. They could care less. Girls still have cooties. The people noticing and commenting are the "popular girls" or "mean girls" as today's times call them. They will do a play by play about how ugly the suite is, how ugly Suzie looks in said suite and how "noooo boy is going to want her with her wearing that ugly suite!" 
3. The boys who are noticing your 12 year old girl in a bikini are not boys. They are men. Your little girls friends fathers. That's right. Your allowing your little princess' private bits to be analyzed by grown men. Just saying "don't look" is irresponsible and delusional on parents parts. Men (well everyone) are wired to look. IT'S WHY WE HAVE EYES! Men are especially wired for this. On the conscious level they are looking at the parts they find pleasing. On a subconscious level they are looking at the parts that say "put your baby here! I'm going to make some great babies!!"
Girls do it too. We look for the signs that say "hey this dude is successful! He's going to be a great provider for my babies!"
For the love of everything Holy (and I say that because this system was created by God. It is Holy.) STOP with the just don't look junk. I want my son to find a wife that is pleasing for him to look at and I want my daughters to find husbands that only want to look at them. 
4. Teaching girls its ok to dress immodestly is teaching them to NOT value their bodies. Do you think teen girls are wearing booty shorts because they are comfy? HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE SHORTS WITH THE CHEEKS FALLING OUT? These girls are walking around with atomic wedgies! They are wearing them because girls know boys like to look at dat booty. Boys LOVE it! But you know what? Boys are looking at dat booty. NOT that girl. They are not learning to value a woman. They are learning to value a nice young butt. 
Girls. I'm not saying you need to walk around in a burka. But you do need to cover those private bits. Wear modest clothing, not because your embarrassed by your body, but because you value it and your self worth. Boys don't run around looking for a show. Look for the modestly dressed girls, because a woman that respects herself will respect you. 

Thoughts On Marriage

Many times people have brought up to me and David that we have such a "good marriage". We seem so happy and in sync with each other. We are raising great kids and have such a " nice home". David and I are pretty in sync... Enough to look at each other when we hear these things from people and silently communicate....
  How much should we tell these people?

We always thank people for these kind words then tell them things aren't always this perfect.

Let me tell you about "good" marriages and the people in them.

Good marriages are a commitment. You hear me? A COMMITMENT.
Love is great. Love is good. Love is exciting. Love is not the cornerstone of a good marriage. There will be times in your marriage when you are NOT feeling the love. Real love, true love doesn't just happen. It's a choice. Sometimes a really hard choice. A really really hard choice. There will be times when you feel like your partner is not doing their job. Is not listening to you. Is not helping you out enough. You will be mad about those things and they will eat at you and you don't feel the love.

A marriage is about communication. COMMUNICATION! So many times we have watched friends relationships fall apart due to a lack of communication. You HAVE to talk. All.... The.... Time....
Seriously non stop.
What do you want?
How are you doing to disapline the kids?
Do you want kids?
Who's going to be the breadwinner?
Who's primary responsibility is the home?
How are chores going to be divided?
When do you want to go to bed?(seriously y'all this is an issue at my house!)
How is money going to be spent? Saved?
TV's in the bedrooms?
Dinner?
Toys?
Seriously some of these questions seem silly. I'm just trying to hammer home the importance of communicating with you spouse. You have no idea the silly fights you are in for! You have to talk every single day.

A marriage is about compassion. COMPASSION! and the ability to recognize that sometimes others come before you. When you can be compassionate to someone whose had a hard day at work they will reciprocate and do likewise for you. Study your partner. Learn their cues. Body language was built into us for a reason. If David comes home from a hard day I can tell by the way he opens and shuts the door. Even if he's trying to cover it for me because I've already texted him a thousand times that day about how horrible the kids have been. I suck it up and give him a listening ear. This goes back to that communication thing. If I'm willing to listen and support his bad day he'll do the same for me. Sometimes he's the one sucking it up and I get to vent. Compassion is sweet and helps keep things good. So good.

Just a couple of more things and I'm done. I promise!

Marriage has a language. What language are you using? Do you allow cuss words? These are not the typical 4 letter words. These are words like:
Hate
Selfish
You. You you you.
Leaving
Done
Finished
DIVORCE.
Divorce is like the F bomb of marriage language. Allow it in and it's thrown all over the place.
These are words we don't allow in our marriage. They aren't an option. They are NOT OK to say or really even to think. Your spouse is going to throw junk your way that makes you mad, and lonely, and let's face it selfish. We are humans and that's just how we are. We have to commit (there's that word again!) and power through those times, because y'all it gets good again. Real good. Back to puppy love good again.

The last thing I'm going to say is something I feel strongly. Some who read this will agree some won't, but I'm saying it anyway....
A good marriage needs God. Period. He is the cornerstone. Build your marriage on Him and you got something there! He is the COMMITMENT. He is the greatest COMMUNICATOR. He has infinite COMMPATION. If God can love me through all my junk I can love David through his. If God can love me through all mine David can do the same for me. We recognize we are not perfect. We don't always feel the love. We really sometimes don't like each other. But we have a choice to make. We are going to CHOOSE to love each other, because God chose us. We accepted his son as our Savior and our guide in this thing called life and marriage. God will never leave us no matter how much junk we throw His way. And if God can make that commitment with me I can do it for David.

The Tale of the Murderous Tree

Whooooohoooohoooo!!!!!! OK so really. We have a tree trying to take us out! It all started last night when the lights started flickering and then... BAM! No internet. The power kept surging off and on. We thought " OK, must be the heat plus the window units. Its too much. " Right? So, we unplugged and turned everything off. Called the cable company to fix the internet and went to bed.

The next morning (OK today, this morning) we got up and started doing our thing. Turned on the stuff we turned off last night. And... The flickering began again. Then suddenly there was a weird noise in Dylan's room. "What the!?" He yelled. I ran in to see what was wrong and his entire desk (its like a table) was COVERED in a hazy smoke!!! "What?! Is there a fire??" I yelled. No just smoke. The power surged, his surge protector FAILED and it took out the kids TV and ALL our gaming systems.

Turns out a tree had grown into the power lines connecting us to the poll and had severed the ground wire and was keeping the lines from connecting right. Also took out the cable lines.

The surge also took out my NEW oven (OK its a year old, that's still new.) And we are still finding stuff. We have been warned it was a big enough surge other things can just crap out any time. So... Yay.

On the bright side there was no fire. We are all safe. And OG&E needs to do better line maintenance.

The End

Homemaker

OK. So the first post of the year and I am writing about a news piece I saw about one of the Olympic skiers. Her name is Hannah Kearney. She is one awesome chick. She is smart, athletic, and seems to be a very responsible young lady. What do I have to write about you ask. The entire piece was about how great of a homemaker she is. Plffffftttt. (Imagine my thumbs pointing down.) Oh barf! Now don't get me wrong. Homemaker is a noble profession. I'm one and many of my friend are too. We have dedicated our lives to raising our children, sometimes our spouses, creating beautiful homes for our families, and all those other homemakery things we do. And we LOVE it, but not every bit of it. Some of us hate cleaning, some hate cooking, and some even get a little tired of the 24/7 of the homemakers life. But we do love it. And are fulfilled by it.
When I'm watching the X-Games or the Olympics and I am watching those athletes do their thing I imagine it's me doing that flip or whatever. When I was younger I thought "I could totally do that." Now I think "My kids will never try that!" My nerves couldn't handle it. I can't believe the dedication and work these kids, and some adults, put into what they do! They are rockin' it! So why am I being subjected to this stereotypical fluff piece on a woman athlete. Let's not focus on her years of dedication to the ski slopes. Her hours of work to get it just right. Her many injuries she pushed through to be at the top of her game in her sport. Let's focus on what a good cook she is, and oh how cute she has made her home. I think it's demeaning to women athletes that the only thing they could find to talk about was how good of a "homemaker" she is. Oh and let's be clear. She is not married nor does she have any children. Her "homemaking" skills are for her alone. Granted skills she will need and be proud of when she does have the family to give them too. But for now she is still a young lady living up the single life and figuring out her future. I definitely think she should be proud of her homemaking endeavors. I just don't think a fluff piece on the news in the middle of the Olympic games is the right setting for it.

The Magic of Parents

If you are anything like me and my husband you had THE BEST PARENTS. You looked up to them. You thought they could do no wrong. One or both of them were or are your hero. They were perfect. They were MAGIC. When you needed something they were there. A hug, a bit of advice, cloths, food. Most everything you could need and some of what you want. That's not to say there weren't things you could point out that they didn't get exactly right, you just don't really remember those things.

Now for a bit of news about these wonderful people we call mom and dad. If you have kids you have now figured this out for yourself... if you don't when you get kids this will be your "ah ha" moment. YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PERFECT. How do I know this. I am a parent. My husband is a parent. We screw it up DAILY. That is not to say I think we are doing a bad job. Just that I know when I've messed it up. I yell, I get mad, I get annoyed, I get stressed. Sometimes I want to run away. 

Dylan was a WONDERFUL baby. He rarely cried. He was happy. He didn't demand a lot of you. I was DEPRESSED for the first year of his life. Things were not going well for David and I. We were not making great choices for ourselves let alone for a family. I wanted OUT. But I stuck it through and things started getting better.

Paige was a pretty easy kid. She was sweet. She did her own thing as a toddler. She was a great solo player. I BROKE MY LEG when she was 4 months old and one week before Dylan's 5th birthday. It seemed like every time things get good for David and I something comes along and knocks us back down.

Joy is a JOY. She is sweet, funny, ACTIVE, smart, and my goodness HIGH MAINTENANCE!!! This kid is all up in my business ALL day EVERY day. For someone that requires a ridiculous amount of personal space and down time to myself this child is a challenge. 

I love all my kids to pieces. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They help me grow and make me be a better person because I want so much for them. I hope my kids think I am as perfect as I think my parents are! I don't really know where or what my parents think they got wrong. I know what they tried to do to get it right. I don't know if they think they were successful or not. I do know that they were probably as insecure as I am about how I am doing at this most important job. That they questioned all the time if they were doing the right thing for everyone. I know that they probably struggled with guilty feelings about being at work to much or giving one kid more attention over another. 

None of us are perfect as parents, but we sure hope we do a good job. But just so you know in the eyes if your kids you are perfect. You are wonderful. You are mom and dad and they will remember what you did right. And you have the magic that makes this happen because you care and your kids will love you even when you mess it all up and they are teenagers and they think they know everything and you are stupid for not agreeing with them... because the day will come when they have to admit you were right because you went through all this too and survived.

What has happend to my tv??!!

I LOVE TV. I don't mean I enjoy a good show now and then... I mean I am a full on TV addict. There is never enough TV for me. Over 100 channels with tons of shows... pffft. Not enough for me. 
I began my love of TV as most people my age do... Saturday morning cartoons. (If I woke up early enough. I kinda love sleeping in too.) I watched Transformers, Garfield, Thundercats, She-Ra... I WAS SHE-RA. You get it. Now I watch almost every prime time show on......
Well that's not the truth. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY TV??? It's Monday evening and the shows to choose from are: 

Antiques Road Show (love)
Bear Grilles Survival (enjoyed)
Siberia (what is this?? Googled and: IT'S A FAKE REALITY SHOW. No really it's a scripted "reality show". They admit it!!!! What we don't have any more writers with the talent to write good dramas??)
Raising Hope (re-runs)
and the best (NOT) for last......
Mistresses. (What is this??? A bunch of people that can't keep it in their pants and discover that ..... OMG THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO MY ACTIONS!!!!)

For real? This is what I get from my beloved TV for entertainment. Now I don't turn on the TV for intellectual content. But I do expect decent entertainment. TV now days is filled with naked. cursing, selfish characters that contribute absolutely nothing to the screen. Not to mention the exploding in your face comical culture. I want good TV back. TV where people are still committed to their spouses. People that are committed to raising good contributing kids. TV that has characters that don't think they need to take their cloths off every time they see someone of the opposite, or same, sex. 

I heard from a English teacher that was talking to a writer, if it doesn't contribute to the story it doesn't need to be in the story take the pointless sex and cursing out and you got a great story. Maybe TV should take a page from that book.

Why I know God is real.....

 We just celebrated the 4th of July and I got ^ this pic of Joy. I just love it. I look at this pic and think "She's glowing. she's sooooo beautiful. How in the world did I make this???" Of course the answer is: I didn't. God did. There is no way... no matter how many people tell me I am creative... I could make something so wonderful. So individual. So well... wonderfully made. The bible tells us God knit us together in the womb. He knew us before we knew ourselves. My kids are such a window into God and how REAL and awesome he is.

 Every now and then I get a pic of a kid that I think man.... that is a great pic. The picture will move me in many ways. It will make me think about the person in it. Where we were. All sorts of things. I usually end up somewhere spiritual. I could not have gotten this pic without God. He created this wonderful boy. He put the personality in there. He put the joy in there. He put the happy go lucky in there. I didn't do any of it. I hope I am a good guide for my kids. I hope I teach them everything they need to know, but I know without God my work would mean nothing. I am constantly amazed at how GOOD of a kid I have in Dylan. He is just an easy kid with a passion for life and God. I can't take the credit for much of it. God put it there.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this pic of Paige at the beach. Not only is my BEAUTIFUL little twinky ( in looks) in this picture, she is at my FAVORITE place. I love the ocean. I see God ALL in it. From the wealth of life contained in it... to it's seemingly infinite depths and distance I think the ocean is a great metaphor for who God is. I love pictures of Paige. I think she is so pretty and cute and sweet. She is my mini me and when I look at her I think "That is me. That is my body when I was little. That is my face. That is my smile." and I feel pretty and cute and sweet. Women spend so much time frowning at our perceived flaws and Paige helps me see that I don't really have any physical flaws. I am beautiful because we were made by the same "Person". God put us together. And guess what... HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING! I may not always know or understand what He's doing, but He does and I see it in my kids. They are so unique and fun and challenging. They show me things I need to work on in myself and reassure me of the things that don't need my attention. I know God is real because my kids show me every day.