Many times people have brought up to me and David that we have such a "good marriage". We seem so happy and in sync with each other. We are raising great kids and have such a " nice home". David and I are pretty in sync... Enough to look at each other when we hear these things from people and silently communicate....
How much should we tell these people?
We always thank people for these kind words then tell them things aren't always this perfect.
Let me tell you about "good" marriages and the people in them.
Good marriages are a commitment. You hear me? A COMMITMENT.
Love is great. Love is good. Love is exciting. Love is not the cornerstone of a good marriage. There will be times in your marriage when you are NOT feeling the love. Real love, true love doesn't just happen. It's a choice. Sometimes a really hard choice. A really really hard choice. There will be times when you feel like your partner is not doing their job. Is not listening to you. Is not helping you out enough. You will be mad about those things and they will eat at you and you don't feel the love.
A marriage is about communication. COMMUNICATION! So many times we have watched friends relationships fall apart due to a lack of communication. You HAVE to talk. All.... The.... Time....
Seriously non stop.
What do you want?
How are you doing to disapline the kids?
Do you want kids?
Who's going to be the breadwinner?
Who's primary responsibility is the home?
How are chores going to be divided?
When do you want to go to bed?(seriously y'all this is an issue at my house!)
How is money going to be spent? Saved?
TV's in the bedrooms?
Dinner?
Toys?
Seriously some of these questions seem silly. I'm just trying to hammer home the importance of communicating with you spouse. You have no idea the silly fights you are in for! You have to talk every single day.
A marriage is about compassion. COMPASSION! and the ability to recognize that sometimes others come before you. When you can be compassionate to someone whose had a hard day at work they will reciprocate and do likewise for you. Study your partner. Learn their cues. Body language was built into us for a reason. If David comes home from a hard day I can tell by the way he opens and shuts the door. Even if he's trying to cover it for me because I've already texted him a thousand times that day about how horrible the kids have been. I suck it up and give him a listening ear. This goes back to that communication thing. If I'm willing to listen and support his bad day he'll do the same for me. Sometimes he's the one sucking it up and I get to vent. Compassion is sweet and helps keep things good. So good.
Just a couple of more things and I'm done. I promise!
Marriage has a language. What language are you using? Do you allow cuss words? These are not the typical 4 letter words. These are words like:
Hate
Selfish
You. You you you.
Leaving
Done
Finished
DIVORCE.
Divorce is like the F bomb of marriage language. Allow it in and it's thrown all over the place.
These are words we don't allow in our marriage. They aren't an option. They are NOT OK to say or really even to think. Your spouse is going to throw junk your way that makes you mad, and lonely, and let's face it selfish. We are humans and that's just how we are. We have to commit (there's that word again!) and power through those times, because y'all it gets good again. Real good. Back to puppy love good again.
The last thing I'm going to say is something I feel strongly. Some who read this will agree some won't, but I'm saying it anyway....
A good marriage needs God. Period. He is the cornerstone. Build your marriage on Him and you got something there! He is the COMMITMENT. He is the greatest COMMUNICATOR. He has infinite COMMPATION. If God can love me through all my junk I can love David through his. If God can love me through all mine David can do the same for me. We recognize we are not perfect. We don't always feel the love. We really sometimes don't like each other. But we have a choice to make. We are going to CHOOSE to love each other, because God chose us. We accepted his son as our Savior and our guide in this thing called life and marriage. God will never leave us no matter how much junk we throw His way. And if God can make that commitment with me I can do it for David.
