I recently read an article in Parenting magazine that discourages spanking. Like they all do. I often wonder how many of these experts actually have kids and if they do how many secretly spank said kids. Don't get me wrong generally I do believe spanking is not the way to go, however I also believe there is a time and a place. My big 3 times are: if they are doing something that will hurt others, are disrespectful to their elders, or lying. David and I have 3 children. They are each a blessing and an interesting study in human behavior. Yes, that's my way of saying they can sometimes be a challenge. Let me tell you a bit about each one and how discipline in its many forms has been (and not been) effective.
Our oldest is Dylan. He's 10 and he is a crazy good kid. The easiest of them all by far. However as he had gotten older he has tested the waters on what he can actually get away with, as do all kids. His biggest problem seems to be lying, and half doing a job. Oh and he is the ssslllloooowwwwweeeesssttt person on earth to get something done. I mean this kid has no fast forward button. He doesn't lie often, but when he does it's usually over something really stupid that if he had told the truth in the first place he never would have gotten in trouble. Time outs never work with him... he's getting a little old for them now, but when he was younger they just never made an impact. Spanking seems to be the only thing that made any kind of impact on future behavior. At 10 he is respectful of others and a great help around the house. He rarely talks back and will fix bad behavior with just a warning. It rarely has to go further. If it does grounding seems to work fine now.
Paige is stuck in the middle. She is 6 and a sweetheart. She tends to tattle... a lot. Is this a girl thing? It drives me absolutely crazy! She is also disrespectful of other peoples property. She recently pealed paint off of one of my walls and is constantly taking her brothers things. In some ways I think she is trying to establish her place in the house. I get that, but we can't let her get away with it. She hates spankings. I don't think they do any good with her. Yea, the behavior will stop, but for her you can see she views it as being bullied. Now.. tell her your disappointed in her choices and her world has ended! She can not handle people being upset with her. She really needs assurance that just because she made a bad choice you still love her. A hug works best, but until she gets that hug she has to serve a time out. She hates these too, but I think she gets that it's discipline,not bullying.
Joy is the baby, and she knows it. She just turned 2 and she is a CHALLENGE all her own. I have never in my life met a kid with a will to get their own way as big as hers. I recently read a post by a friend of mine that confessed that she wasn't sure she wanted to be a mom growing up because she just wasn't good with kids. I am not that way at all. I have a natural way with kids. They LOVE me. To the point it can be annoying. I can't go anywhere without some strangers kid coming up to me and talking to me, or wanting to show me something, or wanting to play with me. Even when I'm on a trip with my own kids. I also have that mommy vibe. I've had it since I was little. I could and still can throw that look that says "Cut it out!" AND YOU LISTEN because if you don't you know it won't be good for you. Well... Joy could care less. She still doesn't sleep through the night. She will not come to me when I tell her to if she doesn't want too. She bullies her sister like crazy. (It's really hard not to laugh at this sometimes.) To make it all better is NO FORM OF DISCIPLINE works with her. Not a one. If you go to swat her butt, she puts her hand back there and runs. She NEVER waits for time out to end. When she thinks it's done she's up. Put her back, she'll wait till your back is turned and by the time time-out is over she had no clue why you put her there to begin with. She will straight up say no TO MY FACE! That's new for me. I'm a 6 foot tall woman who does not intimidate easily and she just shrugs me off like I'm a puny human is some syfi movie! Blows my mind.
My point to all this is that every child is different and you can't just count out any form of discipline, aside from abuse of course. I will let you know when we figure out what works for Joy.
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